Bacon Lube

Of course this would come up as a related ad on my Facebook page.

Why would it not?

Picture 3Bacon. Good for breakfast. Good for your vagina.

Morphsuits

While checking out Party City’s website yesterday to find out the cost of some latex balloons my eyeballs were ASSAULTED with this image on their home page.

Picture 5

What the hell?

I swear this is the kind of stuff my nightmares are made of.

Can you imagine looking out your window late at night and seeing one of these things creeping around your yard? Or worse, you open the door of your closet and standing in the back corner is one of these freaks all in black waiting to cut your throat and steal your favorite shoes! Holy crap.

Here is your next blockbuster scary movie idea—Morphsuit Murders.

It gets worse.

Not only do these frightening things come in a rainbow of solid colors they also come in this.

Picture 6
This is why so many people hate the U.S.A. isn’t it?

Or…if you want to go for a little classier look there is this one.

Picture 7
Kind of hard to keep the focus on the bride if the groom is sporting this getup.

And if you’re shy and don’t want to stick out in a crowd you could always go with this option.

Picture 9
Wear this hunting and the game will be so freaked out you could just run up and knock them out with your fists.

Ready to head out and buy one yet?

Well, I have a few questions.

According to the description of these freakish spandex suits, “Morphsuits are designed to allow easy breathing, drinking and visibility”. Easy drinking? HOW?

They are also “spot clean only”. Can you imagine the funk that is going to end up all over a skin tight suit? Why would they not make it machine washable?

Just how much of a dude’s package am I going to see? And are those models using the tuck option for the photos?

They come in Regular AND Plus sizes so perhaps the most important question is, do they make a maternity version? And were do I find a giant vagina so I can throw on a peach one and reenact the birth this Fall?

Huh?

This may be one of the most bizarre spam comments I’ve ever received.

Picture 8

Bears bury their invisible bear muzzles in the shocked and bloody remains; throwing back body parts in huge gulps

Uh-huh.

Okay Lou.

Thanks for that.

The post it is attached to is this one. Which has everything to do with Muppets and music and NOTHING to do with bloody bear muzzles.

And what kind of crazy bears are being bred with invisible muzzles? Why just the muzzle? Why not the whole bear? Can remains be even be shocked?

These are questions I’m not sure Lou Gallante is ready to answer.

Pardon Me, But You Seem to Have a Little Pig Stuck in Your Teeth

I hate to break it to you, but not everything is better with bacon.

Now before you flog me with your ham hocks, let me explain.

Bacon + Eggs? Good.
Bacon + Lettuce + Tomato + Mayo? Very good.
Bacon + A1 sauce? Mmm…good.
Bacon + Chocolate? Holy sweet and salty good!

But Bacon flavored dental floss?

I’m not going to actually find out, but my guess would be NOT GOOD.

baconfloss

Who thought this would be a good idea to actually produce? Who is buying this? More importantly, who is using it?

And why is Cracker Barrel selling it in their gift shop?

Yes, No, Maybe So

It’s Friday night. I can’t drink. JQ is practicing for his gig tomorrow. And it’s been a LONG time since I’ve done a meme. So I figured, why not?

Stole this from Nobody.

1. You can ONLY answer Yes or No!
2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages or comments you and Asks!

Here we go!

1.Kissed any one of your facebook friends?..yes
2.Been arrested? …no
3.Kissed someone you didn’t like? …yes
4.Slept in until 5 PM? …yes
5.Fallen asleep at work/school? …yes
6.Held a snake? …yes
7.Ran a red light? …yes
8.Been suspended from school? …no
9.Totaled your car/motorbike in an accident? …no
10.Been fired from a job? … yes
11. Sang karaoke? … yes
12. Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? …yes
13. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? … yes
14.Caught a snowflake on your tongue? …Yes
15 Kissed in the rain? . . .yes
16 Sang in the shower? … yes
17 Sat on a rooftop? …yes
18 Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? …yes
19 Broken a bone? …no
20 Shaved your head? …yes
21 Blacked out from drinking? …yes
22 Played a prank on someone? …yes
23 Felt like killing someone? …yes
24 Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? …yes
25 Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? …yes
26 Been in a band? …no
27 Shot a gun? …yes
28 Donated Blood? …no
29 Eaten alligator meat? …yes
30 Eaten cheesecake? …yes
31 Still love someone you shouldn’t? …no
32 Think about the future? …yes
33 Believe in Love ? …yes
34 Sleep on a certain side of the bed? …yes

How about you?

Button up

Buttoning our eyes in an effort to make myself forget that I missed Coraline in 3D. It seems to have worked. I want to button our eyes in every picture on the wall. Maybe I’ll do that for Halloween. How cool would that be? Wanna button your eyes? You can do it here.



it reminds me of the word "ninnies"

The copy from the Daily Candy email today cracked me up.

Bagina. That makes me laugh. It’s almost as funny as the way Yvonne’s daughter calls it a “pachina”.

Good stuff.

look-alike meter (let’s all play along)

MyHeritage: Look-alike MeterFamily reunionRoots

Make sure you go see Leezer’s hilarious comparisons. My favorite? Frankenstein.

just wrong…

I saw this slogan generator at Blogography and had to give it a try. The first generated slogan was just too hilarious to not post. Enjoy. Then, go do yours and come back here and tell me what it was.


Your Slogan Should Be

*pixie*; What you’d eat if you lived on Mars

needs no title

This will surely be appreciated by Nobody. Thanks ac(w)p!