I think I’ll stick with the crudites

So, yesterday I went to this function that was held by the Toledo chapter of the AIGA. It was the second in a series of what they are calling a Design Hood. Basically it is an opportunity to go check out the work space of various design firms around town. They open their doors to us for a couple of hours, we get to check out their offices, learn a little about the company, and mingle with our fellow designers. As I mentioned in my post from yesterday I almost didn’t go out of my ridiculous fear of small talk, but I sucked it up and went anyway.

Here’s a little secret—I went because I knew that there would be at least a couple people there that I already knew. Regardless, I went. The space was beautiful—an old sewing machine company with huge open ceilings and wooden floors that still had pieces of needles embedded in them from long ago. The people, of course were talented and ridiculously friendly. The two principles didn’t hide in their offices but instead mingled with everyone there, laughing and joking and giving a great presentation of their company.

In the center of the office is a large prep area with cutting mats, templates, and what every good company should have—a Wii. This prep area shares the room with a really nice kitchenette. For the Design Hood there were several bottles of wine, beer, pop, and a nice spread of finger foods. One of the items in the spread were slices of prosciutto. Not wanting to fix myself a plate, I sort of awkwardly folded and stabbed a piece of the meat onto a toothpick. Then came the tricky part—how to eat it without looking like a savage. Which was not an easy task. The first bite I took sort of pulled and with came more than I was trying to eat. Like a spaghetti noodle. Which we all know is a terrible first date—or in the company of strangers—kind of food. So that was a bit awkward. A few more strategically placed bites and I realized there was no lady-like way to eat this. So I shoved the rest of the piece into my mouth.

Big mistake.

As soon as I started chewing I had flashbacks of my ill-fated experience with a cold scallop appetizer at a bridal fair many years ago. It wasn’t an enjoyable experience and I had to figure out a way to discretely get it out of my mouth and into the nearest waste receptacle. The problem with the prosciutto wasn’t that it tasted bad, it was that there was way too much fat on it and I just couldn’t chew it up. Not without gagging at least. The bigger problem was that I was in a room full of people, the napkins were at least five feet from where I was standing and I had no idea how I was going to pull this off non-chalantly.

So I did my best to not look at anybody or gag as I navigated my way through the crowd to the stack of napkins. Next I did a sort of simultaneous turn and swoop move to get the meat out of my mouth and just hoped that nobody realized what was going on. I stuffed the napkin in my now empty cup—oh how I wish there would have been another swig of wine in that cup—and tossed it into the trash. Then I told the guy next to me not to try the proscuitto.

5 comments to I think I’ll stick with the crudites

  • Tug

    I’m glad you went! I have to make myself get out there sometimes, but I’m almost always glad I did when I finally do.

    My daughter & I were at a buffet in Vegas (packed!) with my new boyfriend’s family once…we were STARVED after standing in line forever. We grabbed some dinner rolls & smothered them with what we thought was butter – it was some kind of horseradish – ewwww. We totally walked around mouths 1/2 open gagging until one of the servers handed us napkins & showed us where trash cans were. lol

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  • naynayfazz

    I hate to say this but I am giggling. Not so much because of what happened to you but because of your tags. “Gag me with a prosciutto” is my favorite! Anyway, I do not eat that crap because of that exact reason. Sopressata is pretty bad too because it actually has chunks of fat in it. When I eat both of those things, I start to gag as well. As Aidan would say, “No fank you!” :) It’s terrible that that happened to you in a public place but at least you got through it okay and the lesson is learned. I would definitely stick with something more simple next time like a carrot or red pepper with a dab of ranch dressing. Good idea!

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  • naynayfazz

    Also, I am laughing at Tug’s comment. I just read it now. Oh man, that’s pretty bad too. Horseradish is not fun in large quantities. hahaha

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  • OMG that happened to me once at the fanciest party location I have EVER been at. I thought I was taking a huge bite out of a potato gratin dish and it turned out to be cod-gratin… and I hated fish… * shudder *

    I had to swallow it. There was no way at this fancy golf club house I could dispose of it. I had a throatache of my swallow attempts for days! LOL

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  • I have my bad experience with mistaking horseradish for mayo story and slathering it on a sandwich. That first bite was a doozey. Luckily I was at my grandparents’ house so spitting it out on my plate wasn’t a big deal. :)

    I always am sure I am going to make a fool out of myself in public, and then usually end up doing just thta. Not sure if I make myself do it out of fear of doing it or if I am just naturally a mess in public. Good for you keeping your cool. :)

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