Uninspired.
That’s how I’ve been feeling lately when it comes to blogging. It’s like my brain just refuses to write a string of coherent thoughts together into something interesting. I’ve opened up a new post window so many times this past week and nothing seems to want to come out. It’s a little disheartening. I stare at the flashing cursor and the blank title space trying to formulate at the very least a topic to write about. Bloop. Bloop. Bloop. And nothing.
Then I close that tab and move on without writing anything.
It sucks.
But I think I know why it’s happening. It isn’t that I don’t have anything to say, it’s that I’ve been holding back on saying what really comes to mind. I’ve been suppressing the stuff that might not be so tidy around the edges—the things that just might make some of you uncomfortable. And I do it because of lack of anonymity. Which just feels like being dishonest with myself.
Plus, it makes for an incredibly boring blog.
I do it because my parents read this blog and I’m sure they don’t want to hear about the way I feel about my sex life. I do it because some of my colleagues know about this blog and I don’t want my personal life to offend them so much that it would jeopardize my job. I do it because my husband reads this blog and I don’t want him to ever feel embarrassed by what I write. And yet I have so much to say.
I’ve learned that nobody wants to hear just about the good stuff. People are more than willing to rally around the bad. Not to mock or judge you—though many will—but to be there as a friend for you. I’ve seen how therapeutic blogging can be for the soul if you just put it out there. So why can’t I do it? What am I really afraid of? Being judged. Being shunned. Being fired.
I’ve never really been good with confrontation. I’ve never known just how to say the not-so-good stuff. I’ve never really let go and just put it all out there. I wonder if it is time to change that?
I know how you feel Holly. Although hanging up my badge has given me back many of the First Amendment rights that I so sorely missed these last fourteen years, I still file smooth the rough edges of many of my thoughts. I really don’t think you need worry about Josh. He seems totally supportive of you, and very strong in his own opinions (an admirable quality). I also don’t have the parental self-censorship thing to hold me back. It wasn’t until a few years ago that my Mom even allowed a microwave in her house! At eighty-three years of age, I don’t see her fingers flying across a computer keyboard under any circumstances. To soothe the savage beast, just do what I do…write three or four books that no one will ever read. It can be very cathartic!
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I definitely know how you feel … and most of the people I see every day don’t even know I *have* a blog!
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I have been feeling the exact same way. No inspiration, no ability to write anything. And when I really sat down and thought about why I figured out I feel like I need to write something to please everyone. Make them laugh or cry or connect with me. When did my blog stop being about me? Not quite the same situation as you, but I understand. Perhaps you would feel more comfortable writing these feelings down in a journal or on anouther blog where people don’t know you personally. While I am sure your husband and parents and all of us would understand anythign you wish to share, I can totally understand your hesitation. Because you don’t want ot risk hurting anyone’s feeligns or making them feel uncomfortable. And that is why you are an amazing woman. But remember that those same things apply to those you are nervous about…we all love you and want you to feel comfortable enough to talk about anything that may be troubling. Because it is theraputic and helpful and freeing. I like to think of blogging as the modern day sewing circle or ancient hearth where women used to gather to discuss their lives while doing the daily work. We are your hearth. Feel free to use us at your disposal.
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Holly,
Have you ever considered authoring a separate blog under a pen name? Changing the names to protect the innocent type of thing? Just a suggestion.
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I totally know how you feel hence why I have my anonyblog. I didn’t want certain people reading my blog anymore. Maybe it is time you LET LOOSE GIRL! I miss your blog posts. Just don’t show us any, like, child birth photos or that secret tattoo you got in college right in the crack of your… um… never mind.
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That’s exactly why I’ve retired from my old blog.
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and now you understand why I’m “Fantastagirl”…
and things are separate… only right now – I’ve got nothing too.
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Don’t think about the audience. Write for yourself and and don’t publish it. If you think it’s worthy of an audience after a couple of weeks, then publish it. It’s hard to get exited about writing it you’re always worried about the consequences.
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Holly – so many of us can relate! I remember a time where I didn’t need to think twice before I posted that picture, comment, or status update on Facebook, posted that blog (since retired, but I’m thinking of reinstating it), or vented my frustrations in 140 characters or less and consider if friends, colleagues, bosses, or potential bosses would disagree and hold it against me. Makes you almost question when the freedom of speech that made blogging and social networking so desirable become such a catch-22.
Coming from experience, it’s best to think twice because you can get burned, but that still doesn’t make me mad that it has to be that way. We’re all just going to have to be secret agents and come up with pen names.
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You could do what some people do – have user registration and only allow people you DON’T know to sign up, and on some posts, you keep it password-protected.
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I’m very open about my life on my blog, hardly censoring myself. Time is my deterrent from posting more often.
I do censor on some issues: my day job, personal concerns with family members that are sensitive and not yet for public consumption and a few scattered other topics that I’ve not decided to blog about. Anything else is wide open.
My daughter reads my blog, but she’s very open and I don’t mind her reading my words.
I’d say just go for it and let those that read ask questions later. Or write in third person, which is something I’ve considered doing for a couple of subjects that I’d like to get out there.
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Well, I think you know now why I stopped blogging for so long, and I really could have written this post.
I think you should try to put more stuff out there, if it will make you feel better. Just don’t make it about other people. And, if you are worried about Josh being ashamed or embarrassed, let him read the post before you publish it.
I have had a few times where my mom has said, “Can you take that post down?” or “Do you really want to put that on the internet?” so expect that too.
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I felt the same way with my blog. I felt hindered to write anything the public could read because of these same fears. So, I started writing in a journal (Moleskine to be precise). I know someday they will probably be read by one of my descendants but I feel free to write whatever I want at the moment. There’s immediate satisfaction and freedom because I’m putting my thoughts down without the fear of offending someone or being judged.
The only downside is there’s no feedback from others unless I take select thoughts from my journal and put them on my blog.
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You can talk about me, our great sex and my hot body all you want baby! I won’t be embarrassed…
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I feel your pain. The strange, confusing journey of a blogger never stops, even when we aren’t actively posting.
I’m a journal junkie. I had the old original blog, and that one was meant mostly to be kind of entertaining; it wasn’t a place for me to regularly post my REAL drama or anything like that. There’s still a chance I’ll resurrect that blog one of these days, once I feel like I can be “funny” again. And now, as you know, I’ve got the diary blog. And while the old feeling of “I need to be interesting or entertaining…or even apologetic” does come up sometimes, overall I have worked to condition myself to think of it just as my diary that I allow some of my friends to know about. It’s hard to do– to try NOT to worry about how the readers will see it. But when it works, it’s really rewarding. I really DO always feel better about something after I blog it!
I liked the suggestion above that you just write whatever and keep certain posts private or unpublished until you feel ready to publish, if ever. I do that all the time with my current blog, and so I can go back and read everything in order and uncensored, yet no one else can. I just love that we have that privacy option.
But most of all, and you know this: be true to yourself. No one is forcing you to write everyday, and no one is screaming out ENTERTAIN ME, PIXIE! (”Dance, monkey, dance!”), so just do whatever, whenever and screw the rest of the world. If you have worries or second thoughts about something, just don’t publish it. You should STILL WRITE IT though!! It’s so important to be let it all hang out somewhere. Whether you let anyone read it, that’s your call. You are really just such a fascinating, artistic and intelligent person and for you not to document your life in some way would be a tragedy.
Have fun. No, really. Do it. DO IT.
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First, I like JQ’s comment the best (at least, it’s the funniest).
As Barb Manning said, write the post and then give yourself an hour or a good night’s sleep before publishing. Writing — whether anyone actually sees it — is very therapeutic. Heck, hardly anyone reads my blog but I still write. It’s good to work my way through a thought to some level of conclusion.
The downside of anything public — a blog, tweets, FB, etc. — is that you do open yourself up. I’ve self-censored many of tweets and toned down some blog posts. Granted, I use my blog mostly for professional reasons, but it’s still me and I’m exposed (in a legal, non-flashing way); just I minimize my exposure (so not to catch a draft).
There is a balance and consequences for what we write. Maybe take a chance — a calculated risk on a post to relieve some of the disease festering inside (now, there’s a good image. Yuck.).
-Mike
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BE YOU KID JUST SAY FTW AND WRITE WHAT YOU WANT.
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agreed 100%. but you could try it and call it art (i get away with a lot that way). if you write under a pen name (other than the catharsis of just getting the words out) what’s the point? to be true to yourself you must be truthful & honest and accountable (but that’s why the juicy stuff is juicy… there’s context. who cares if the random person out there says something potentially interesting… without the context there isn’t relevance and why bother to read/comment/care? that’s what’s been holding me back at least.
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Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog.
Cheers! Sandra. R.
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