December 11.2011
in Me Me MeI have been suddenly and unexpectedly overwhelmed with a knock-down case of depression. I’ve wept every day for an entire week. The sick feeling in the pit of my stomach has left me barely interested in eating. I lost 4 pounds last week alone. That probably isn’t a good thing.
I just cannot shake this horrible sadness. It has consumed me.
So very sad.
And helpless.
I cannot feel the foggy veil of depression lifting. I don’t know how to make it go away.
This is the first time since March that I have felt like I might need to see my therapist.
It was just one year ago this past week that I had my second miscarriage and had to re-evaluate the idea of taking anti-depressants because therapy didn’t feel like it would be enough.
I stopped taking Prozac when I found out I was pregnant with Huggy Baby in January. Three months later I stopped going to therapy.
Sure, the pregnancy was at times stressful but I was doing okay. I had my support system in place and for months I didn’t feel like I needed therapy—or drugs—to feel “right”.
Then a couple of weeks ago it started creeping in. A week ago it hit me hard and full on.
…
I wrote that six weeks ago.
I’m better today. Not perfect. Just Better.
I think I was trying to stuff my feelings and pretend there wasn’t anything wrong. Talking about it? Talking about it would inevitably lead to uncontrollable tears.
Tears that embarrass me in my inability to turn them off.
But addressing that there was problem despite the tears has been a really important step towards healing for me.
What I’ve come to realize is that I need to be open. I need to be a better communicator. I need to learn to nurture myself.
I have no idea how to do that.
 24 days old. I have a new writing gig over at Babble. Now that Huggy Baby is here I’m done writing for Babble.com’s Being Pregnant blog. Makes sense, right? Now I’m writing for their Baby’s First Year blog. I’ll be writing about life with baby number two and the ups and downs of parenting in general. It’s going to be fun.
Here’s what you missed so far.
I make my introduction in The Second Son.
Talk naps—or lack there of in I’m Supposed to Sleep When?.
Boob Pain. It’s real. And it hurts. Oh My Aching Boobs
How much has this baby grown in a month? Checking Up—One Month
One day at a time. Finding Our Normal
I really should get the ball rolling on these things. Especially number one. Five Things I Still Haven’t Done Now That I’m Not Pregnant
Seriously considering learning how to make these. DIY Fleece Childrens Hats
I’d love it if you joined along in my journey.
It’s 11:22 a.m.
If all goes well and some moron doesn’t set themselves on fire or blow off any of their fingers “celebrating” Labor Day weekend, by this time next week we will be a family of four. I could be in my room eating a post surgery meal and basking in the love of my three guys.
I’m still in shock that we are so close to the end.
I’m also completely unprepared when it comes to having “stuff” for the baby.
I have my boobs.
I have a pack of diapers.
I have some clothes.
That’s good enough, right?
Speaking of boobs, I wrote a letter to mine this week. I also discussed whether or not a porn star should be able to breastfeed in public.
I probably won’t get that pregnancy massage but I will be in for one as soon as I can after giving birth. Along with some new tattoos.
The hospital I’m delivering at has a kick-ass cafeteria. That may be what I’m looking most forward to during my hospital stay. Well, besides the baby of course.
I wonder if they could send wine in one of these care packages?
And these? These make me think I should get to designing some birth announcements sooner than later.
Oh, and since some of you have asked, yes we have a very small registry.
August 22.2011
in Me Me MeAbout a month or so ago I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. I’m less than excited about the fact. But it is my reality right now and I thought I would share just how that experience works for me on a daily basis.
Check out the video below. I’ll show you my supplies and how I sample my blood—I promise you won’t pass out. I’ll also show you the chart I made because I’m a bit obsessive compulsive about not pricking the same finger over and over again. If you want a chart of your own I’ll even provide you with a link to print some out (click on the image for a letter sized version).
And please be gentle, this is my first attempt at vlogging. Also? Why does my voice sound like that?!?
Monitoring Your Blood Glucose Levels.
August 15.2011
in Me Me Me, Photographs Today I turn 35.
Today I am 36 weeks pregnant.
Today I am thankful for both of those things.
I will not be celebrating with cocktails this year. I didn’t on my 30th birthday either. Somehow I managed to be pregnant on both my 30th and 35th birthdays. I will not be repeating this trend for my 40th.
I also won’t be celebrating with my traditional key lime pie made by my mother. The one I eat slice by delicious slice with a cup of coffee over several days. Gestational diabetes has other plans for me this year. I’m guessing eating an entire pie by myself would be frowned upon by the dietitian.
How will we celebrate? I really have no idea.
And that’s okay by me.
August 6.2011
in Me Me Me Hello to all of you stopping by today for the BlogHer@Home Blog Hop! My, you are looking lovely. 
For those of you that read me on a regular basis, big sloppy smooches to every one of you.
I thought today I would just sort of introduce myself a little for those of you that are new to ArtistMotherTeacher.com.
I’m Holly and this is my little space on the internet. I am an artist, a mother, and a teacher—hence the name of this website. Clever, eh? I teach graphic design at a small college in Northwest Ohio. I love creating things with paper, experimenting with type, and taking lots of photographs. My husband is a full-time musician. We are far from a typical family. For our family portraits recently we wore fake mustaches. It was fabulous We have a 4 year old son and another on the due in just about 5 weeks!
Besides this website, I write for the Curvy Girl Guide—an amazing online magazine for real women with real bodies (whatever that shape may be) and for Babble.com’s Being Pregnant.
I run a little Etsy shop called Bird Doodle and in honor of BlogHer@Home I’m offering 10% off anything in my shop through August 12th with the coupon code BLOGHERATHOME11. I’m also giving a couple of handmade items from my shop away in one of the many fantastic giveaways from BlogHer@Home. You should go enter.
Of course you can find me pretty much all over the internet and if it fancies you go ahead and click on the Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, etc. buttons over there on the right to connect.
July 25.2011
in Food Love, Me Me MeI love to cook. I’m not afraid to experiment in the kitchen and even better is that I’m actually pretty good at it. If I have no real plan and I’m not sure what to make for supper? Let me see what we have in the refrigerator and the pantry and I’ll whip something up with what is on hand. Chances are it will be tasty.
There aren’t too many things that I don’t like to eat either. Bologna? No, thanks. Olives? I keep trying but I just don’t like them. Head Cheese or tripe? Not a chance. But for the most part I’m willing to try new things.
New recipes included.
I hate to get in a food rut. I don’t want to make the same stuff over and over when there is a world of delicious food out the to experience. Mmm…food.
So…I set a challenge for myself.
100 Recipes in 1 Year.
That might be a little enthusiastic with a baby on the way and life in general. But, it is just about two new recipes a week on average. Plus, I like the way it sounds. It sort of rolls of the tongue. One year, one hundred recipes.
Over the next 52 weeks I will attempt to make 100 new to me recipes—entrees, sides, salads, marinades, drinks, desserts, etc.—in order to broaden my arsenal of awesome eats. Anything goes. I’m pushing through the stacks of recipes I’ve cut out over the years and never made. I’m finding a ton of yummy looking new ideas and pinning them on my Pinterest boards to try. I’m modifying them as I see fit and I’m using my family as guinea pigs and taste testers.
I’ll share the results—and the recipes—with all of you.
I started this little venture on June 30th and have tried 6 new recipes so far.
- Shish Tawook Chicken with Garlic Sauce (6.30.11)
- Cheesy Ham & Hashbrown Bake (7.1.11)
- Homemade Butter (7.4.11)
- Cilantro Lime Vinaigrette (7.8.11)
- Cilantro Lime Grilled Chicken (7.10.11)
- Homemade Barbecue Sauce (7.24.11)
It’s going to be a delicious adventure.
I am from a cul-de-sac full of kids my age, from buttered Cheerios and ATVs (with 3 not 4 wheels).
I am from the house that backed up to the big open field, modest and blue with a playhouse in the backyard that was anything but small.
I am from a vegetable garden that gets bigger every year and feeds my family and friends with its bounty. I am from tulips—purple and white—wrapped in a thick silk ribbon and carried on my wedding day.
I am from a new ornament for the Christmas tree every year—given on the day we decorate.
I am from Cindy and Walt, an artist and a hunter who taught me ceramics and how to shoot a compound bow.
I am from overnight stays at Gam’s where we would eat Ballreich’s potato chips with french onion dip and drink Country Time lemonade from a cup that said “Beer By The Glass” in blue and green type while we watched Golden Girls.
I am from sitting next to space heaters, my body wrapped in an afghan, and from family gatherings where everyone brings a dish to share.
I am from “fight your own battles” when dealing with the neighborhood kids and “I love you” at the end of every phone call from my mom, dad, or grandparent.
I am from a family that never went to church and never spoke much about their religious beliefs or lack there of.
I am from Northwest Ohio, within a 10 mile radius of every move I’ve ever made. I am from cut-out cookies, from homemade french fries—skin on and cut from russets—and fried perch caught with a line and hook.
I am from boxes of photographs—black and white, color, 35 mm and Polaroid, from big cedar hope chests and older chests that look like they belong on a pirate ship—full of posters, trinkets, and bits of ephemera from my youth. The items that remind me of who I am and where I am from. The baubles and bits that I will tell my sons about. The things I just can’t throw away.
This gem seems to be making its way around the web. If you want to do one too, check out this prompt to get you started.
G-tot and I often take walks in the neighborhood where he rides his bike and I walk—usually a bit behind him because his little legs pedal so fast. This week on one of our walk/rides he stopped his bike at the corner, turned to me and said, “Mom, how do you spell ‘navigation acceleration’?”
I have no idea what prompted that question but fortunately I was able to spell it for him on the spot.
I’m crafting it up this week for the Fourth of July over at the Curvy Girl Guide.
I made a trio each of Patriotic Votive Holders and Rocket Cracker Favors.
Aren’t they super cute? Better yet, they were really easy to make.
Over at Babble’s Being Pregnant this week I’m waxing over making room for another baby, pining over these ridiculously cute newborn hats from Etsy, giving away some hilarious kid’s books, showing off my baby bump, and contemplating what to drink this 4th of July since margaritas are out of the question for another 11 weeks or so.
I feel like Laura Ingalls Wilder.
I just spent the last half an hour with wooden clothespins hanging from my mouth and 50 pounds of wet laundry at my feet. For the first time in my life I have hung my laundry from a clothesline to dry.
Over the years I’ve spent countless hours and quarters at the laundry mat. More than once I’ve forgotten about the load I started in the small two machine laundry rooms in apartments I’ve lived in. And more than once I’ve had to put more quarters in those machines because my stuff didn’t get dry the first time through.
When we bought our house nearly six years ago, JQ and I were so excited to be able to do laundry in our own house. It didn’t matter if we didn’t have quarters. It was okay if the load of towels sat in the dryer overnight. The washer and dryer was ours. In our own home. We didn’t have to share it with anybody else if we didn’t want to.
It was wonderful.
This week in a cruel twist of fate our dryer broke. Part of the plastic edging that forms a seal around the drum popped away from the edge awhile back. Every time I put a load of laundry in the dryer I would struggle to pop that piece back in place only to find it popped back away from the edge by the time the load was finished. Sometimes I would find a washcloth dangling in front of the opening, wedged in between the drum and the popped out plastic edge.
Earlier this week the entire plastic edge fell out. It was broken in a few spots and would not go back in place. The light bulb in the dryer broke off with it.
When I tried to dry a load of towels last night the dryer stopped in the middle of the cycle three separate times. Each time there was the corner of a towel caught between the drum and the outside wall of the dryer casing. After the third time I took all of the damp towels and hung them from an old tattered clothesline that has been hanging in our basement since long before we bought the house.
This afternoon JQ hung a new shiny white clothesline in our backyard. One by one I hung the freshly laundered clothes from that new line. Even though it stretched at least ten feet across the lawn it wasn’t long enough to hang the entire load up. So I took down the towels from the basement line and hung more clothes on that one.
I still had wet clothes in the basket so in a last ditch effort I tossed underwear, socks and some tee shirts into the dryer in hopes that they might get dry without anything getting caught between the drum and the outside casing. Nothing got caught. Instead the dryer just completely stopped working. Now I have two clotheslines full of damp laundry hanging to dry and a bunch of undies and stuff sitting damp in a non-functional dryer.
Unlike Laura Ingalls Wilder I also have a credit card. I’m going to need it to buy a new dryer because hanging all that laundry on the line is going to suck come wintertime.
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