Hopeful

Even with hope comes fear. Some days I’m down right terrified. Every single time I pee I have to look at the toilet paper. Every cramp and twinge of pain leaves me clutching my stomach and hoping it is just growing pains. As much as I dislike vomiting, the days that I do it—one, two, [...] [...]

A Different Kind of Sadness

It’s a weird thing, this sadness that I’m feeling over the miscarriage on Sunday. It’s a different kind of sadness than the one I experienced back in January. That was a devastating sadness. Losing the baby the first time completely blindsided me. I never expected that to happen. It had never happened before and when [...] [...]

A short tale of days and numbers

Saturday was 9 months since the miscarriage. Sunday marked day 42 since my last cycle—nearly 2 weeks late from a “normal” start date. Monday I picked up a pregnancy test to try to answer that nagging question, am I pregnant or is my body still just broken. One pink line. Still just broken. [...]

Facing Depression

March 3, 2010. That is going to be one of those dates I remember for a very long time. Like December 30, 1999—the day JQ and I shared our first kiss. Or August 17, 2008—the last day I breastfed G-tot. Those are days I hope to never forget. March 3, 2010 was a Wednesday. It [...] [...]