I’m not sure what my problem is.

But it isn’t very pretty.

Maybe it’s some sort of hormonal imbalance.

I mean, I’m a completely sensitive jackass regardless. Plus, I still haven’t had a period since the miscarriage. Which has to be throwing my hormones completely out of whack. Mix it together and kapow—you have a bat-shit crazy woman on your hands.

JQ is so lucky.

I cried today playing trains with G-tot.  Trains. Which aren’t inherently sad. G-tot was pretending that Madge the truck had to go to work and Gordon the train engine had to go to school so he needed to say goodbye to Madge. Except he kept saying “mommy” instead of “Madge”.

“Goodbye Mommy.”

“I love you Mommy.”

And I cried. Because that is exactly how it is in our house on the mornings I work. Right down to the kiss goodbye he made sure Gordon gave Madge.

Then I cried more when JQ jokingly told G-tot to tell me to stop crying so much. Which is probably more like half-jokingly because, HOLY CRAP, I cry a lot.

Clearly I have some issues to work through.

So here I am at this moment in my life wondering if I really am coping with things well.

Some days I don’t feel like it at all.

Some days I feel like I’m stuck inside my head internalizing all my feelings because I don’t know how to communicate them without crying.

Some days I say nothing and still cry.

Good gravy I think I need some therapy.

I must be insane.

How is it that I’m just now digging out the recipes I need for Thursday so I can compile a grocery list? Why am I making my grocery list on a Monday night? Worse yet, why am I planning on going to the grocery store Tuesday morning before JQ leaves for school?

Am I crazy? What if there is no bird big enough for 10 when I get to the store tomorrow? What if the celery, Idahos, and sweet potatoes are wilted or full of sprouted eyes judging me for waiting so long? How can a vegetable even do that?

The last thing I want to be doing tomorrow is running all over Toledo, Ohio from grocery store to grocery store accumulating the stuff I need for a successful dinner on Thursday. That would suck the life right out of me. I’ve had enough of that over the last four days.

Which is precisely why I’m waiting until two days before Thanksgiving to do all my grocery shopping. Being sick killed all my plans of going to the store for the past three days. No, really. So now I’m off to sort through coupons and compile my giant list.

I better make sure wine is on there.