I have been suddenly and unexpectedly overwhelmed with a knock-down case of depression. I’ve wept every day for an entire week. The sick feeling in the pit of my stomach has left me barely interested in eating. I lost 4 pounds last week alone. That probably isn’t a good thing. I just cannot shake this [...] [...]
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I’ve thought about it every day. Usually more than once. And yet, by the end of the night I had yet to write a single word. Day after day. I never intended on walking away from my blog for over a month. But I suppose it wasn’t entirely by accident either. Because a month ago [...] [...] I shot this back in the beginning of September. The roses are from one of the bushes I planted this spring. Somehow it sums up exactly how I feel today. [...] There are days when I think the depression is getting worse. Days when I have pretty much zero interest in doing anything. And to tell you the truth? It sucks. It’s bullshit. I know therapy is helping. I’m recognizing things about myself that have been eye opening and healing. But I don’t think it’s enough. [...] [...] March 3, 2010. That is going to be one of those dates I remember for a very long time. Like December 30, 1999—the day JQ and I shared our first kiss. Or August 17, 2008—the last day I breastfed G-tot. Those are days I hope to never forget. March 3, 2010 was a Wednesday. It [...] [...] Five months ago things were really, really bad. I was spent. Exhausted. Overwhelmed. Devastated. For weeks after that horrifying weekend I wondered if I would ever be happy again. I wondered when it would stop hurting so much. I hoped it would be sooner than later. I was permanently altered in those moments in the [...] [...] So it seems I’ve hit a wall. I have lots of half written posts on tangible pieces of lined paper in notebooks here and there. They just need finished up. And the typed out. But they haven’t been. Life away from the computer has been more important. I’m going through another one of those sort [...] [...] I suppose it has just been one of those days. Or even just one of those weekends. Because when I think about it, I have cried at least once each of these past three days. I’m not sure what my problem is. But it isn’t very pretty. Maybe it’s some sort of hormonal imbalance. I [...] [...] *This is another post with too much information for some. My emotions are incredibly raw still and writing about my experience is therapeutic. If you aren’t comfortable reading about the miscarriage I encourage you to not read on and just come back another day. I won’t always be so depressing.* I try to avoid the [...] [...] I lost the baby Saturday morning. I’m devastated. I’m heartbroken. I’m numb. I hate that this happened to us. I watched my entire loss unfold right before my eyes and I was helpless. There was nothing I could do about it. That sucks so much. So much that I just want to spew expletives across [...] [...] |
     
 
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