My instant reaction was, “What the hell?” I had never seen anything like that. And what do we do when we come across some oddity that we need more information about? We Google that shit! Guess what? This wasn’t some anomaly happening to just me, it has been happening to lots of people. Good upstanding citizens who boasted that Apple replaced their bulging batteries without any hassle—even ones out of warranty! Hurrah! I knew what was happening and it could be replaced easily. I called the local Apple reseller—the MacCafe—and they said bring it on in. Two or three days and I should have a new battery.

Which I still do not have.

I called this morning to find out why the hell I was still waiting on my battery 14 days—which is quite a bit more than 2 or 3 by my mathematical standards—after I had dropped it off. This is how my conversation went:

Me: Hi this is So-and-so, I’m calling to check on my battery. I dropped it off two weeks ago and lady-with-the-name-rhymes-with-feather told me it would be 2 or 3 days so I’m calling to check on the status.
MC Oaf: Yeah, it shows that it’s done and ready to be picked up.
Me: Was anybody going to call me about that?
MC Oaf: *silence*

I mean seriously people. How long has it been “ready to pick up”? So I drive out to the store to pick it up only to find out that Apple said they would not replace it and nothing has been done about the situation. Super pissed at this point, I somehow manage to remain calm, get the old battery and number for Apple and leave without punching anybody in the face.

My restraint surprised even me.

Can’t you see the look of pure discontent on my face? I also feel compelled to tell you that the stuff behind me is not mine. Not that there’s anything wrong with it. It’s just not my thing.

But back to the battery.

Apple’s reasoning behind not replacing my obviously defective battery? My laptop is out of warranty. The laptop I bought in July of 2008. Fifteen freakin’ months ago.

You’re kidding me, right? I refuse to accept that. Battery cells expanding to the point of busting apart the casing is not consumer wear and tear. That is a manufacturing defect. It’s a KNOWN issue. I am not pleased with the customer service I’ve received so far. So today I will be making a phone call. Let’s hope it ends favorably.

UPDATE: I called Apple Customer Service this morning. Talked to four different people. Was put on hold six different times—for LONG periods of time. And after spending an hour and twenty minutes on the phone, I’m happy to say a nice gentlemen by the name of Steven is sending me a new battery.