It’s a weird thing, this sadness that I’m feeling over the miscarriage on Sunday. It’s a different kind of sadness than the one I experienced back in January. That was a devastating sadness. Losing the baby the first time completely blindsided me. I never expected that to happen. It had never happened before and when [...] [...]
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I clutched my secret close to my chest and reminded myself day after day to keep it hidden. Just a little bit longer. Just until I was sure it wouldn’t be snatched away the moment I revealed it. My husband was the only other person that knew. Turns out it didn’t matter if we kept [...] [...] There are days when I think the depression is getting worse. Days when I have pretty much zero interest in doing anything. And to tell you the truth? It sucks. It’s bullshit. I know therapy is helping. I’m recognizing things about myself that have been eye opening and healing. But I don’t think it’s enough. [...] [...] March 3, 2010. That is going to be one of those dates I remember for a very long time. Like December 30, 1999—the day JQ and I shared our first kiss. Or August 17, 2008—the last day I breastfed G-tot. Those are days I hope to never forget. March 3, 2010 was a Wednesday. It [...] [...] Five months ago things were really, really bad. I was spent. Exhausted. Overwhelmed. Devastated. For weeks after that horrifying weekend I wondered if I would ever be happy again. I wondered when it would stop hurting so much. I hoped it would be sooner than later. I was permanently altered in those moments in the [...] [...] I have cried every day for the last two and a half weeks. Some of those tears came in giant waves, ripping apart my heart as they flowed non-stop from my eyes. Some of them were single tears that spilled over the edge of my eyelids in my failed attempt to keep it all together. [...] [...] This is me on January 16th. The day that would—like others have in the past—change my life forever. It’s been eleven days since a piece of my soul died. Eleven days. And while I’m no longer crying uncontrollably over my loss, the sadness is still there. All you have to do is look into my [...] [...] For the words you have written. For every “Sorry” you have spoken. For the hugs you have given—virtual or physical. Thank you for being exactly the kind of online community I’ve grown to connect with and love for so many years. I have read each one of your comments more than once and I can’t [...] [...] *This is another post with too much information for some. My emotions are incredibly raw still and writing about my experience is therapeutic. If you aren’t comfortable reading about the miscarriage I encourage you to not read on and just come back another day. I won’t always be so depressing.* I try to avoid the [...] [...] I lost the baby Saturday morning. I’m devastated. I’m heartbroken. I’m numb. I hate that this happened to us. I watched my entire loss unfold right before my eyes and I was helpless. There was nothing I could do about it. That sucks so much. So much that I just want to spew expletives across [...] [...] |
     
 
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