Morphsuits

While checking out Party City’s website yesterday to find out the cost of some latex balloons my eyeballs were ASSAULTED with this image on their home page.

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What the hell?

I swear this is the kind of stuff my nightmares are made of.

Can you imagine looking out your window late at night and seeing one of these things creeping around your yard? Or worse, you open the door of your closet and standing in the back corner is one of these freaks all in black waiting to cut your throat and steal your favorite shoes! Holy crap.

Here is your next blockbuster scary movie idea—Morphsuit Murders.

It gets worse.

Not only do these frightening things come in a rainbow of solid colors they also come in this.

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This is why so many people hate the U.S.A. isn’t it?

Or…if you want to go for a little classier look there is this one.

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Kind of hard to keep the focus on the bride if the groom is sporting this getup.

And if you’re shy and don’t want to stick out in a crowd you could always go with this option.

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Wear this hunting and the game will be so freaked out you could just run up and knock them out with your fists.

Ready to head out and buy one yet?

Well, I have a few questions.

According to the description of these freakish spandex suits, “Morphsuits are designed to allow easy breathing, drinking and visibility”. Easy drinking? HOW?

They are also “spot clean only”. Can you imagine the funk that is going to end up all over a skin tight suit? Why would they not make it machine washable?

Just how much of a dude’s package am I going to see? And are those models using the tuck option for the photos?

They come in Regular AND Plus sizes so perhaps the most important question is, do they make a maternity version? And were do I find a giant vagina so I can throw on a peach one and reenact the birth this Fall?

16 comments to Morphsuits

  • and…. why oh why is the camo dude/chick pointing his/her fingers like a gun? are you TRYING to validate gun violence?!?!

    [Reply]

    Holly {ArtistMotherTeacher} Reply:

    And why two fingers? Is that a double-barrel pistol or something?

    [Reply]

  • Ashley

    That is just disturbing…

    [Reply]

    Holly {ArtistMotherTeacher} Reply:

    So buying one and teaching class in it is a no then?

    [Reply]

  • This creeps me the fuck out. WHO WOULD THINK OF THIS???

    [Reply]

    Holly {ArtistMotherTeacher} Reply:

    Someone that needs a different hobby. So scary.

    [Reply]

  • I’m gonna buy a green one, and then buy a toy M16 rifle and paint it to match. I’ll be a toy army man for Halloween.

    [Reply]

    Holly {ArtistMotherTeacher} Reply:

    That’s kind of an awesome idea. You have to nail a platform to your feet though to be authentic. And tuck in your junk, no self-respecting toy army man ever has a package bulge.

    [Reply]

  • Now I am going to have nightmares. I feel suffocated just looking at these.

    And I was wondering about the junk factor too.

    [Reply]

  • Lisa

    Have you ever seen Charlie dressed as Greenman on “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”? That kind of turned this into a (scary) trend. I’ve never seen someone in one of these suits in real life, though. I heard a rumor that a Greenman could show up at the PHX Comicon that I’m volunteering at this month–I’ll take a picture just for you! ;-)

    [Reply]

  • NickTaco

    Here, I have a Morphsuit myself, so I’ll shed a bit of light on them.
    Morphsuits are, basically, a full-body, skin tight suit made out of lycra (the same stuff youd see a cyclist wearing, ie tour de fance) the way the material is set up, you can see out, but people can’t see in. You can breathe AND drink in them, they are thin enough liquid can pass through. I myself haven’t tried that yet, but I’ve wanted to. They say it’s best to drink water tho…depending on the color and liquid, it might leave a dark patch on the mouth area.
    As for the bulge, I myself am currently working on figuring that one out. Everyone I’ve seen suggest getting boxer-briefs (those annoying, tight bastards) to wear underneath them and that usually solves the issue for most people. Or, you could always wear a cup underneath. Some people (myself included) end up wearing pants/shorts over it (since I don’t have any briefs yet to test that method) and that covers the bulge as well. But, some Morphers (Morphs = name of people who wear them) like to just wear the suit and some shoes, nothing more.
    Any more questions, just ask me :p

    [Reply]

    harajuku:) Reply:

    umm i want to see can you take a pic?

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  • harajuku:)

    umm i think this is actually soo fucking sexy, some guys at my school wore them and like i got horney x3 hehe

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  • Tim

    I purchased the red one and put it on during school and went to class with it. People asked my to take pictures with them and also were a little freaked out sense they didn’t know what to say. Buy one it is freak-en awesome!

    [Reply]

  • Tim

    I meant to say me instead of my in the first sentence.

    [Reply]

  • AustMcCOOL

    I own one, but it’s hard to not show your junk (dick) briefs help a little but not much, then people will just acuse u of having a tiny penis

    [Reply]

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