Nine Days

Pooping on the table.

Having to get an epidural.

Those were the two things I feared the most when I headed to the hospital four and a half years ago to give birth to G-tot. After 20+ hours of labor the doctor’s strongly suggested an epidural—which I succumbed to after a mini-nervous breakdown.

A few hours later I still hadn’t progressed enough to push so we went the c-section route. Plus side? No pooping on the table.

I’m nine days away from having another c-section. NINE DAYS. Single digits.

This time I’m scared to leave G-tot behind.

37.5 weeks

37.5 weeks

Just thinking about leaving him sleeping in bed early in the morning on September 4th brings tears to my eyes. I know he will be in great hands. I know I will see him as soon as I can. And yet, it won’t be quite the same. I will be coming out of major surgery. He won’t be able to climb up on me and snuggle quite like we will on Saturday night. We will no longer be a family of three.

It will be the end of one chapter of our lives and the beginning of something completely new and unknown. For some reason that makes me weep.

Over the past year and a half I doubted we would ever get to this point. I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to give G-tot a sibling. A comrade. Someone to vent about his dad and me to in years to come.

Now we are just nine days away.

I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around it.

I don’t want to stay in the hospital for days this time. I want to leave as soon as possible and be with my family in our own home. I want to start our new life away from IVs and nurses. I want to create our new routine.

I want G-tot to know I will never love him any less than I do in this moment.

I want to not be scared of the next nine days.

6 comments to Nine Days

  • EEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!!!! so thrilled for you, holly. and so excited to meet this new little one. what a precious photo of you three. sending you much love and deep breaths. xo!

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  • Amyfidler

    Total tears! I worry about this stuff too.

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  • Yay!! I bet it will be all kinds of wonderful!!

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  • If it’s any consolation, this time (my second section too) I only spent 2 nights there, you have to stay 48 hours and then you can go home. I was up walking faster and my recovery was easier this time. Not sure if it was because I knew what to expect or that getting home to Finn was the motivation.

    Best of luck Holly, he’s going to be here so soon!!!

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  • 9 days (well it’s Saturday now so technically 8 days)!! Wow, I can’t believe it’s almost time.

    So excited for you and the whole family. G-Tot knows that you love him and I know that you will love him as much and even more once the new addition arrives. Don’t worry it will be fine.

    Good luck in 8 days. Can’t wait to see pictures!

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  • So excited to see you through this new adventure. And I bet G-tot is super excited too! All the weepiness and scared feelings are natural I’m sure. It’s a big life change, one that is not only affecting you and JQ but your young man too. But I know you all will adjuse beautifully!

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